Sadly, this title is true. It’s how I am about certain things.
I notice a problem and I just can’t let it go until I have figured it out and fixed it. This, unfortunately, isn’t true of all things. For example, if I had a problem with something like, say, getting up early in the morning to exercise, I’d just stop trying to do that silly, unrealistic thing. Or if I have a problem learning to speak German, I’ll let it go in a heartbeat. (And whose idea was that, anyway?)
But a problem like a Fitbit that won’t sync? That eats at me till I’ve got it fixed. So the obvious question is, “What’s the difference?”
The non-syncing Fitbit is a little like the name you can’t think of, even though it’s on the tip of your tongue. Or that song title that you are positive you know…but just not yet. It’s a problem with a solution that feels like it’s right within reach, if only…
So, when I notice myself saying ‘if only’ I know there’s a little bit of a magical element to whatever I’m thinking about. And that, in turn, is a great big hint that whatever-it-is connects back to my mother in some way.
And yes, now that you mention it…
The ‘if only’s’ were our daily fare, growing up. We each worked in our own child-innocent ways to solve the mystery of ‘Mommie’ and what made her happy (or conversely, what sent her off the rails).
It wasn’t something that we had the luxury of letting go of — we were immersed in it.
We entered every day with the hope that this would be the day. And we exited, more often than not, discouraged. Then we tried again.
The solution was just around the corner; we just had to find the right key, and keep trying until we did.
Same with the Fitbit…
So, back to my Fitbit, which stopped syncing on Saturday night. Off and on, through Sunday, I tried to get it reconnected.
I tried with my phone.
I tried with my PC.
Thankfully I’ve learned enough through the years to be able to put these things down temporarily. But I’ve not learned enough to let them go entirely. It settled in there at the back of my mind. Just this small, persistent feeling that something wasn’t right and I should be able to fix it.
So, still unsettled, I started in again this morning. And praise the Lord, I got it going. Persistent Googling helped (even though it hadn’t yesterday). Fresh eyes probably helped, as well. The key (this time) was turning off and then restarting my phone. Next time I’ll remember that — and maybe remember, too, that the Fitbit isn’t my mother and I’m not 5-years-old.
No matter what, for now, I feel much more peaceful, as I walk into my day (and count every damn step along the way).