Upsetta with Meta

The news that Meta (aka Facebook and Instagram) are restoring the twice-impeached ex-reality-TV con-man’s accounts tipped me over into making a decision that I’ve been mulling for quite some time.

So yesterday evening I happily deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts. Having deleted my Twitter account several weeks ago, prompted by Musk being Musk, this also just felt right.

I wrote a brief message in my Facebook feed explaining my rationale, then realized that, of course, that would disappear as soon as I hit the delete button. That means I’ve just ‘disappeared.’ Not that most would notice, but I wanted to at least say something here, so Alice doesn’t wonder what happened! 😉

It actually felt good to follow-through on my impulse to step away. And a happy additional perk will be all the time I recoup. Can’t get back what’s already spent, but going forward that’s a boon.

Posted in Random Thoughts | 6 Comments

Another Goddamn Haiku

You don’t need to judge
Or be in danger to have
Boundaries. It’s OK.

Posted in Haiku | 3 Comments

Tableau — 1/19/75

It’s a surreal moment, stilled now in memory.

How she left, and how we lived.

In the wee hours of that dark January, my mother woke up in distress and called out for help. This was not a new or unusual occurrence. Throughout childhood, sudden nighttime awakenings were frequent for her progeny. Occasionally she needed help. More often she was just yelling, or was hungry, or was suddenly in one of our rooms for some reason. (Feign sleep or come wide awake, it didn’t matter. We’d soon enough discover why she had arrived.)

Scary as this all had been when I was younger, I’d become jaded about those nighttime disturbances after 22 years of them. So that particular night I lay awake and waited, hoping that someone else would tend to her. When it became clear that no one else was going to respond, I grudgingly got up and went downstairs.

She was having trouble breathing. It looked like an asthma attack and we knew from experience what we needed to do. I pushed rhythmically on her ribcage while she sat up in bed. That was what always helped.

This time it didn’t. Something felt different – not right.

Fear found a cold toehold near my heart.

My father was up now, having moved from his bed (which was about a foot and a half away from hers) to the doorway of their bedroom. He was standing there looking uncertain while I pressed on her ribcage. I think I looked at him and said that this seemed different.

I think I said maybe he should call an ambulance. This was definitely not something I’d have suggested lightly. I had a horror of bringing in ‘outsiders’ to deal with my mother. She was a secret that I — all of us — strove mightily to keep a secret.

My father didn’t respond or move.

Meanwhile, my mother was crawling away from me. As she moved toward the foot of her bed I moved with her, pressing on her ribs to help her the only way I knew how. Then she crawled off the bed as I tried, unsuccessfully, to hold her and keep her from falling onto the floor.

She fell.

I yelled at my father then, to call an ambulance, and he did.

The outsiders came.

It was too late.

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Note to Self

You don’t have to make
Every thought you have into
A goddamn Haiku!

Posted in Haiku | 6 Comments

Philly Sound — The Real Thing

Betcha by golly
, me and Mrs. Jones got
a thing going on

(Ain’t Nothin’ Like the Real Thing, Baby)

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Radio Love

I see I’ve always
Sought a love that can’t exist.
Old life’s old learning.

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Childish Competition

I reach for something
I neither need nor really
Want. Ancient reflex.

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Letting Grief Do Its Work

I am not shiny
But I hold my heart open
And learn I’m enough.

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Lightening the Load

My path in twenty
Twenty three comes lined with the
Baggage I’ll let go.

Posted in Haiku | 5 Comments

One Step Forward…

Some days are harder
than others but my strength and
intention are clear.

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