It’s Here!

So, it arrived earlier than expected and now comes the part where I need to start using it.

How will that go?

What will I write?

I am intimidated by the bullet journal, wanting it to be somehow perfect, rather than making it my own and letting it be messy, exploratory, experimental.

Why constrain myself?

What am I afraid of?

It’s an interesting quandary. I feel frozen, afraid, tied in knots. The words are strong, and the feelings are a bit smaller than that, but the resistance is undeniable.

And see how nice the two books look with the pen? They’re not so daunting, posing there like that. They look like they have all manner of cool stuff inside, don’t they?

I joke about the pen, but, as HollyCornblog pointed out, I have always loved fountain pens. I turned away from them, and toward computers, starting about 30 years ago, and something happened. I think that’s where I started losing touch with the flow.

Trying to find my way back, I’ve tried the practice of just writing without editing. No stopping. No going back and making changes. No formatting. Just keep going and see where it takes you. And doing that I can feel how scary it is for me to be untethered – unconstrained. I am careful to a fault. So careful that I go back and check after each sentence, practically.

But the thing is, I’ve been doing that on the computer. Clicking away, eyes on the keyboard, plowing ahead and making no changes.

So, this morning I tried a bit of writing. Not on the computer, just quietly, on a page in my bullet journal, with my wonderful new yellow pen. Writing like I used to, back in the days when HollyCornblog remembers my love of fountain pens.

And I can tell you that it truly did feel different. What I especially noticed were the sounds. Small sounds that accentuated the quiet and brought me back to myself.

Just the sound of the pen on the paper, and of my hand as it moved across the page. These placed me in the moment, clearly and quietly. And if there was any doubt, the slow, steady sound of my breathing underscored the fact — “I am here.” And with that, I see how this connection of hand, pen, paper, and breath is my path to flow.

And I’m excited about that. Not getting ahead of myself, as I often do. Taking it step-by-step, and letting it flow.

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8 Responses to It’s Here!

  1. nyeanh says:

    Love the colorful pen, journals and intentions. Bullet journaling is way too intimidating for a disorganized person such as myself, but the line a day is very tempting. Have you been using it? And that wonderful yellow fountain pen: do you have an inkwell to go with it? I’ve always loved fountain pens, too. Thanks for reacquainting me……….

    Like

  2. Karen says:

    I loved this!

    Like

  3. I’ve just started writing again. I’m dedicating 20 minutes each day to use the first writing prompt I find on Pinterest and then just filling a page. It’s liberating. I’m not even reading it back at the end. I’m just writing for the sake of writing and I’m really enjoying it.
    Like you, I used to worry about how ‘perfect’ my bullet journal looked, but I realised that I needed function over form so some days it looks pretty and on others it still looks great because all the jobs are crossed off!

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  4. Katie says:

    It’s beautiful!! I know what you mean about the sound of the pen scratching on the paper. It’s why I love waking up so early, crossing my fingers that the kiddos stay asleep, and writing my morning pages!

    I’m sending you positive energy to help you get past the fear of making a mistake in your bullet journal. Only you will see it – no one has to know. Besides, the sooner you fill this one up, the sooner you can get another one!

    Like

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