Wide, Wide World



Don’t tense. Relax and
Let your full energy come
Back. Breathe deep. Look up.


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6 Responses to Wide, Wide World

  1. Connie Lanzl's avatar Connie Lanzl says:

    Not apropos here, but I saw another post you had written in 2013 because I was looking for the date when Beth Allen died. I was one of her 1975 US Lacrosse Touring Teammates, and I was touched by your remembrance of her and your questions about whether anyone in her broader community reached out to her. Don’t know how else to reach you.

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    • Wow, good to hear from you! I was with the Sunflowers briefly after college and remember you well. (I had played with Sue McVaugh in college and, as a goalie, always GREATLY appreciated your help!). Having grown up with Beth I’ve always felt haunted by her death — perhaps even moreso as I age and reflect on the past and the many, many years that she didn’t experience. So very sad…

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      • Connie Lanzl's avatar Connie Lanzl says:

        Thank you, Jordan, for remembering — long time ago. When Beth died, i vividly remember running outside for about an hour to keep from screaming and from coling to grips with my first reaction was anger: how could she do this to her parents, why didnt we realize something was so desperately wrong in her life, and why hadn’t she tried to reach iut to any of us? But when our team compared notes after her death, we realized she had reached out to us, but in a very Beth way. At the National Tournament in May, she had taken the time to come to each of us individually and told us how much she appreciated whatever role we played in her life. It just never occurred to any of us that she was saying goodbye. I still have Mr. Allen’s handwritten letter that just starts with the word WHY?? repeated about 5 times. Three years later my mother, terminally ill with cancer, tried to commit suicide by taking a lot of sleeping pills. I found her, and by that time had come to understand the depth of pain of someone who sees no other choice. Even so, when my mother woke up, her first words to me were “I’m sorry, I know you must be angry.” A very different reaction when you understand well the struggles that get someone to that point. We remember Beth every year when we get together, and many of our reunion pictures show a space where she would have stood. Sorry about the long response, but thanks for letting me ramble on.

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        • Thank you so much for this. I can picture Beth taking the time and care to speak with everyone in that way…and it’s also somehow terrible to think that her feelings and plans were so sure…that she didn’t act impulsively. What a burden to carry, for whatever period of time she did! And her parents…I can’t even begin to imagine. They were such fans of you all, and such supporters of Beth. So hard for them to be left with that question in the end. And yet, as you said, the pain that gets someone to that point is so personal must feel so insurmountable.

          I love hearing about the space being held open for Beth when you gather. And isn’t it interesting, how presence persists when we let it. I know I’ll think of Beth for the rest of my life — and now you’ve enlarged my thinking and I appreciate that a lot. Thank YOU!

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  2. Thank you, it’s the Irish coast (Cliffs of Moher). And Happy New Year to you as well!

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  3. Linda Smith's avatar Linda Smith says:

    Beautiful picture. Thoughtful words. Happy New Year!

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