Choices



What I need, to be
Whole, may differ from what I
Want, to be happy.




Credit to HollyCornblog for the amazing photo taken this past November.

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Playing the Long Game (Continued)

So, the thing about playing the long game is…it’s LONG.

This may be a particular challenge for those of us who grew up in circumstances what felt threatening to varying degrees. We may feel hard-wired to be fearful of change and to sniff it out with avid, vigilant energy.

When I was very young and trying to understand changes in my mother wrought by alcohol, I called it ‘talking funny.’ I listened closely, and the slightest shift in her voice came to carry dread. Oh, I knew what was coming –or thought I did.

The game of life that I learned through long repetition was about trying to anticipate and either avoid or manage things that other people were doing. Change was to be feared and stopped. It’s what victims want — to have control over things they are powerless over but impacted by. An ingrained habit — it persists through time, even when one has grown years away from that place where victimization was actually happening.

So change, under certain circumstances, is just a scary thing. In reality, in the present, there are very few situations where change needs to be scary. But there are ripples and echoes from the past that infect the present…and in those circumstances, reacting to change becomes just a knee-jerk thing. I’ve had many sleepless nights, ruminating and reacting to changes as if they were emergencies. They have not been, but my lizard brain still thinks so.

Playing the long game means breathing more and reacting less. AND it means that the ‘opportunities’ to react don’t go away. Change continues to happen.

Sometimes it happens when you think you ‘deserve’ a rest. But the long game means hanging in there and letting things just be — maybe even welcoming the challenge to stretch a little bit more.

Playing the long game means you know you’re okay now, no matter what…

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Playing the Long Game

I finished reading The Woman Behind the Door today. It’s Roddy Doyle’s second book featuring Paula Spencer, the protagonist in his earlier work titled, The Woman Who Walked Into Doors.

Paula is a 60-something recovering alcoholic. A survivor of a brutal marriage, the details emerge slowly and in broken pieces as we are made privy to her inner dialogue. Later, we witness the complex interchanges between Paula and her eldest daughter, all while her ongoing inner dialogue offers context and layers of complexity.

Paula’s life, on the face of it, could be called a messy failure. She’s well aware of that fact, thank you very much. Her reminiscences are harrowing and often steeped in festering shame. But she’s resilient, too, and her voice frequently takes a turn, crackling with humor and ‘feck you’ bravado. And then the book also offers glimpses of a middle ground where gentle insights emerge and you can catch your breath briefly.

I resonated with many things about Paula and also about her daughter. On the Paula side of things, I’ve no trouble feeling regret and shame about any number of episodes in my life. At this stage, I’ve gotten better at maintaining perspective (unless I’ve felt called to ‘wallow’ for some unfathomable reason). On the daughter side of things, I have sometimes wondered how I’d have reacted had my mother lived longer, worked out her issues, and wanted to be an actual mother to me. Would I have accepted? Trusted? I think it would have been very very hard. And kudos to Roddy Doyle for laying this out in all its mundane detail and painful complexity.

One of the insights that Paula has in the course of the novel is that she can ‘play the long game.’ What this means, essentially, is doing nothing. Simply letting events unfold without trying to affect them. Sometimes it meant not speaking but sitting in silence. At its base, it meant that Paula was not reacting in the moment. Whatever happened next would not have Paula’s fingerprints on it.

This is a high-level challenge for me, as I grew up with a hearty, and not unreasonable, fear of ‘whatever happened next.’ It was a knee-jerk reaction for me to try to affect events — whether that meant bringing something to a head or trying to deflect with distraction or humor.

What I absolutely could not bear was to let things unfold. I thought I knew where they were heading, and interceding in some way was the only option that made sense to me. It felt like survival depended on it.

As you might imagine, the persistence of that habit into adulthood has been very unhelpful. And that’s why I appreciated Roddy Doyle introducing (or reintroducing) the long-game idea.

And yet, it’s SO challenging to tolerate! It feels like I’m leaving myself powerless. And yet, it is powerful.

It’s so simple. It requires no effort at all. Just sit on your hands and don’t mess about with events.

The long game. I’m learning to play it.

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More Curiosity



Is the final breath
Always an exhale? If so
Big brave letting go.

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Curiosity

Doors



I will bring this to
Death. A mammoth mystery.
Life ends and then what?

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Remember: 11/26/24

1953 Me


I love and accept
Myself just as I am. (And
I’ve approved this ad!)

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Chat GPT

This morning I did some quick exploring of Chat GPT. I asked for help with a blog post and here’s the direction I gave: “I want to write about the WNBA for young girls who play basketball. Conversational tone with some information about Caitlin Clark’s rookie season.”

That’s it — not anything more.

And below is the text that Chat GPT came up with in @ 2 seconds. I’m amazed and…yes, really just amazed.

Title:

“Dream Big: How the WNBA Inspires the Next Generation of Female Ballers”

Intro: Why the WNBA?

Hey, future MVP! 🏆 Have you ever wondered what it would be like to play in the big leagues? To have fans cheering, cameras flashing, and people hanging onto your every move on the court? The WNBA is exactly where all that magic—and hard work—comes together. It’s proof that girls like you can make it all the way to the top in basketball!

The WNBA isn’t just a league; it’s a dream destination. It’s a place that says loud and clear, “Girls’ hoops matter!” And it’s packed with role models who started right where you are—on school and neighborhood courts, dribbling for hours, and pushing through every challenge. One of the brightest new stars in this league is Caitlin Clark, who’s already turning heads in her rookie season. Let’s take a closer look at her journey and see what you can learn from this rising star.


Why the WNBA Matters for Young Girls

The WNBA shows that girls have a place on the court—and not just any place, but a big, bright, and powerful one! When you watch WNBA games, you’re seeing some of the best players in the world, and they’re not just incredible athletes—they’re also leaders, role models, and inspirations for girls everywhere. Watching these games gives you a glimpse of what’s possible, proving that basketball dreams aren’t just for the guys.

And it’s not only about the players. The WNBA’s influence is huge: they’re partnering with brands, running community programs, and making a statement about the power of women’s sports. Every game, every season, they’re showing that there’s no limit to what female athletes can do.


Spotlight on Caitlin Clark’s Rookie Season

Now, let’s talk about someone who’s already making a splash: Caitlin Clark! Caitlin has been a highlight machine since her college days, known for her insane scoring ability, her fearless court vision, and her incredible shooting range. As a rookie in the WNBA, she’s bringing that same fire and skill, and she’s proving she’s here to stay.

In her first season, Caitlin has already given us some jaw-dropping moments. She’s not afraid to take those deep threes, make bold passes, and lead her team with confidence. Watching Caitlin play, you can see her passion and love for the game—it’s a reminder that the best way to succeed is by staying true to your style and giving your all. Caitlin’s rookie season is just beginning, but she’s already setting records and making history. Imagine where she’ll be by the end!


What Young Players Can Learn from Caitlin and the WNBA

What can you take from watching Caitlin and the other WNBA players? First, confidence is key. Caitlin Clark plays with an attitude that says, “I can handle this.” Every time you’re on the court, bring that same confidence with you.

Second, hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. Caitlin didn’t get here by accident—she’s been grinding, practicing her shooting, and putting in the hours to get where she is. So, every drill you do, every practice you attend, know that it’s building you into the player you want to be.

And finally, have fun with it! Basketball is about joy, teamwork, and self-expression. Whether you’re hitting threes, dishing out assists, or playing tough defense, find the parts of the game you love and lean into them.


Wrap-Up: Dream Big and Keep Working!

So, here’s the message: Keep dreaming big, keep working hard, and don’t ever doubt that you belong on that court! Caitlin Clark’s rookie season in the WNBA shows us that anything is possible if you put in the time and stay focused. Today, you’re practicing after school, but tomorrow? You could be lighting up the WNBA courts, too. So get out there, hoop your heart out, and show the world what you’ve got! 🌟

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Question for the Buddha


If I’m not attached,
How am I connected in
This new world of mine?

Posted in Haiku | 3 Comments

Autumn


I love the smell of
The leaf mold in the woods as
October takes hold.

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Not a Victim


The lessons I’ve had
Offered to me in my life
Are my karmic gifts.



In therapy over the years I learned that while I was a victim once, as an adult that no longer applies.

But lately, I feel like I’ve been wending my way toward a different perspective — a bigger, broader view of my life — of life in general.

The thing that is a karmic gift today was also a karmic gift 50, 60, 70 years ago. And I came into this life with the goal of learning what I needed to for this round.

It’s just an inkling of an idea that flees before it can be adequately captured. But it feels like the beginning of a different way of seeing what happened to me, what I did with it, and what it’s all about, ultimately.

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